Thursday, March 24, 2005, 2:46 PM
Recently, i has lost interest in almost everything. I no longer have feeling for games(my fav pasttime while at hm), bball(no more passion in it, the will to compete to be the best in sg is gone), studies(i wanted to study or revise when i reach hm or when i'm free but i jus cant force myself to do it). Everytime after sch i jus feel like goin str hm. Although the journey frm sp to my hm is abt 30-40min only, i feel that is very long. During wkend my frens ask me out, either to have a game of soccer, bball or outing, i'll considered awhile. Cos i'll be lazy to left my rm. I feel tired when i'm at sch during lesson, but when i reach hm i feel energetic. I cant get to zzz at nite. I chat wif my frens at msn but they shldnt will say byeee to me when they are tired and wanna zz but i'm still soooo awake.
I force myself to zzz at nite, turnin my body over and over again. When i wake up in the morning, i does not even need to set any alarm. My body will wake up itself. Strangely, i'll feel very tired, my whole body like no energy, i'll try to zzz again but i cant. I'm fully awake but my body is tired. Nowadays when i see my frens, those that i hardly even bother to keep in contact, i'll avoid them, or act as if i didnt saw them. I donno why, i'm jus tooo lazy to approach them n say hi. Even when they see me, i will jus smile n raise my fingers in my area. I wont move forward to them to chat, rather listen to the music comin frm my sista mp3. I feel strange moments later cos i didnt approach them, i'm jus too lazy ?
Wat has happened to me ? A gal confessed that she like me last time, normal person shld feel happy or excited but i don feel anything and i change the topic. I tell my frens that my poly class got conflict, den she str away said that i mus be those hypocrites that say bad abt ppl who are nicee and create chaos. I don even feel angry though i close the chatlog. She doesnt know my character well.
Why have i becum like this ? lazy ? I'm lazy to blog. Jus that now i really got nth to do. Games are boring. Online surfin nth and tokin crap at msn. Music is the best pal i have now. I wanna get out of my life now. I hope soon something or someone will get me a life, trigger my life path and make me like the real Qi Xiang i was during my sec 5. i wanna be reborn, i might take days, mths or even years to find a motive my life, something to look forward too. I'll do soo cos i don wanna waste my teenage years, i'm gettin old like px said. I'm goin to be 20. It sound stupid bloggin abt all this, but at least i found something to do. for now.
